Taking Off the Armor: A Guide for Strong Women
/By: Britney Wagoner M.S. LGMFT
We all know her. The woman who keeps everything together. She’s the go-to at work, the one who shows up for her family, the friend who always listens and has the right words. She’s reliable, she’s capable, she’s strong. But here’s the part most people don’t see: she’s tired. Behind the polished smile and the endless to-do list, she’s quietly carrying more than anyone realizes.
If that sounds familiar, this is for you. Because being strong all the time isn’t sustainable. And taking the armor off? That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you whole.
Why We Feel Like We Have to Stay Strong: The Pressure to Perform
So many of us grew up believing our worth is tied to what we can do; the grades, the job, the care we give others. That mindset doesn’t just disappear when we’re adults. It shows up in our careers, our homes, and even in how we handle friendships. We learn to be the dependable one, the helper, the person others can count on. And somewhere along the way, we start to believe that if we stop moving, everything might fall apart.
That pressure can be especially heavy for women in demanding or high-functioning careers. In hose spaces, it’s easy to feel like every mistake will be magnified or that you must work twice as hard to earn half as much respect. The armor becomes your protection—your professionalism, your confidence, your “I got it” face. But it also becomes a barrier between you and the rest you desperately need.
Afraid of Letting People Down
There’s often a quiet fear: if I slow down, what will people think? Will they see me as lazy? Will they be disappointed? That fear drives many of us to take on more than we can reasonably handle. We answer texts we don’t have the energy for, take on projects we should have declined, and pretend we’re fine when we’re not.
We get so used to anticipating everyone else’s needs that we stop noticing our own. And when we finally do feel the exhaustion creeping in, guilt rushes in right behind it. That guilt whispers, “You don’t have time to rest,” or “Other people have it harder.” But the truth is, needing rest doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful; it means you’re human.
The “Do It All” Myth
Culture feeds us the idea that being a superwoman is the goal. Do it all, do it perfectly, and smile while you’re at it. But the truth? That image is a trap. No one can sustain that pace without burning out. The women who seem to have it all together are often the ones suffering in silence, wondering why “having it all” doesn’t feel like peace.
Taking off the armor starts with understanding that your value isn’t found in how much you do. You are worthy because you exist, not because you produce.
The Hidden Cost of Always Being the Strong One
Keeping that armor on all the time takes more than we realize.
Emotionally, the pressure can leave us anxious, overwhelmed, and lonely. When you’re always the one holding things together, it can start to feel like you’re not allowed to fall apart—even for a moment. Over time, that isolation builds walls that keep love and support from getting through.
Physically, the toll shows up in your body. The headaches that come out of nowhere, the sleepless nights, the tension in your shoulders; it’s all connected. The body keeps score of everything we carry but never put down.
In relationships, that armor can make it hard to connect. When you never let people see your softer side, they may not know how to support you. You might even start to believe they wouldn’t want to if they really knew how heavy things feel for you sometimes.
And within yourself, the cost is losing touch with joy. Life turns into a series of tasks and obligations instead of moments of connection and pleasure. You forget what brings you peace. You forget what it feels like to just be, not do.
What It Really Means to Take Off the Armor
Taking the armor off doesn’t mean you’re any less strong. It means you’re giving yourself permission to be human. Strength isn’t just about pushing through; it’s also about knowing when to pause, breathe, and let yourself be cared for.
It’s about balance. You can be strong and soft. You can lead and still need support. You can pour into others and still deserve to be poured into.
Here are some ways to practice it: Say yes to help. When someone offers to pick something up for you, or asks how they can support you, let them. Receiving help doesn’t make you dependent; it makes you connected.
Make rest non-negotiable. Protect your downtime like you would a meeting. If you need a day to reset, take it without apology.
Speak your needs out loud. Saying “I’m tired” or “I need help” isn’t a weakness. It’s honesty. It’s what builds trust and closeness in relationships.
Redefine success. Joy, rest, and connection are just as valuable as achievements. There’s power in choosing peace over productivity.
Let go of perfect. Done and peaceful will always be better than perfect and drained.
Real-Life Examples
At work, taking off the armor might mean closing the laptop on time, even when there’s more you could do. It’s trusting that you’ve done enough for today and that tomorrow will bring another chance.
At home, it could mean letting go of the idea that everything has to look perfect. Maybe dinner is takeout, maybe laundry waits another day. You’re still showing up, and that’s enough.
In friendships, it’s sharing what’s really on your heart instead of saying “I’m fine.” Let the people who love you show up for you in the same way you’ve shown up for them.
In love, it’s allowing your partner to comfort you. It’s admitting that you don’t always have it together and letting someone hold that space with you.
Taking the armor off looks different for everyone, but the freedom it brings is the same, a deeper sense of peace and connection.
Simple Ways to Start
Begin small. You don’t have to overhaul your whole life. Try one shift: say no once, take ten minutes for yourself, breathe before you respond to the next request.
Find safe spaces. Surround yourself with people who see you and value your softness as much as your strength. The right people won’t think less of you for needing rest, they’ll respect you more for being honest about it.
Practice asking. Start with little things: “Can you grab this for me?” “I need a break.” The more you do it, the less foreign it feels. Asking for help doesn’t make you needy, it makes you real.
Remember that rest is powerful. Rest is not indulgent. It’s how you heal, recover, and come back stronger. Rest is resistance in a culture that tells women they must earn their worth through exhaustion.
You are allowed to stop. You are allowed to breathe. You are allowed to be enough, right now, without proving it.
Softness Is Strength
Softness isn’t weakness; it’s your reminder that you’re human. It’s the side of you that allows love in, that feels deeply, that slows down long enough to hear your own heart. It’s flexibility, openness, and grace.
When you take off the armor, you let the world see the fullness of who you are. You give others permission to do the same. You show your daughters, your sisters, your friends that they don’t have to hold it all together to be worthy of love and rest.
That’s real strength, the kind that doesn’t rely on exhaustion to prove itself.
A Gentle Reminder
If you see yourself in these words, please know: you are more than what you do. You are worthy of care, worthy of love, and worthy of rest. Taking the armor off doesn’t erase your power; it lets you use it differently.
You’ve been holding it down for everyone else long enough. Maybe today is the day you hold space for yourself.
So ask yourself: What’s one small piece of armor I can set down? Maybe it’s saying no. Maybe it’s letting someone else take over. Maybe it’s simply giving yourself permission to stop pretending you’re fine when you’re not.
Whatever it looks like, start there. You’ve carried enough. It’s okay to set it down.
And when you do, you’ll find that underneath all that armor, the strongest part of you was never the shield, it was the heart behind it.