Why Do I Feel So Alone?
/It’s late. Maybe you're lying in bed, phone in hand, scrolling through social media or random articles, just looking for something to distract you or make the sadness in your heart feel a little less heavy.
You’re not sure what you’re searching for exactly—or maybe you do, maybe you desperately wants answers, direction, or to know someone is experiencing the same season of life as you.
If that’s where you are tonight, take a breath — you’re not alone.
Loneliness Looks Different for Everyone
Some people think loneliness is just about being physically alone. But for most of the clients I work with—and in my own lived experience—it’s more than that.
It’s the feeling of being unseen in your own home.
It’s not having anyone to text after a long day.
It’s being surrounded by people… but still feeling unseen and disconnected.
Loneliness can show up when:
You’re in a marriage that’s lost its emotional connection
You’ve just gone through a breakup, and everything feels unfamiliar
You’re raising kids, running a business, and doing all the things—but no one asks how you’re doing
You’re grieving a loss, or moving through a life transition that nobody around you understands
You’ve been the strong one for too long, and it’s starting to catch up with you
If any of this sounds like you—again, you’re human.
It Shows Up in Ways We Don’t Always Expect
Loneliness isn’t just being alone on a Friday night or not having plans. It’s not always dramatic or obvious. Sometimes, it sneaks in during the most normal moments:
When you’re sitting next to your partner and realize you haven’t really talked in days.
When you reach for your phone to share something, and realize there’s no one you’d actually want to text.
When your house is full of people and noise—but none of it feels like it’s for you.
When you’ve been so busy being strong, helpful, responsible, or “fine”… that no one even asks how you’re doing, they assume you’re fine.
It’s Okay to Want to be Seen
Whether your loneliness comes from a breakup, a distant marriage, moving to a new city, being the “strong one,” or just navigating a season where nothing feels quite right—there’s a part of you that’s longing to be seen, and not for what you do, but for who you are at the heart.
We were created for connection. To feel known. To feel like our presence matters to someone else. So when that connection is missing, of course you feel lonely. Of course you scroll late at night hoping something or someone will make it feel less heavy.
You Don’t Have to Pretend You’re Fine
Loneliness carries a kind of shame that’s hard to talk about. It can make you feel like something’s wrong with you—like if you were better, more interesting, more “put together,” you wouldn’t feel this way. But that’s simply not true.
Loneliness doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong. It just means something in you is craving more. More connection. More safety. More truth. More honesty. More you in your life again.
And you don’t have to pretend you’re fine.
You’re allowed to have moments where you’re not okay. You’re allowed to want someone to notice without you having to explain. You’re allowed to miss what was. To wish things were different. To not know where to go from here.
You don’t need to rush to fix it. You just need space to feel it without shame. Don’t minimize it, acknowledge it and give yourself compassion for how you are feeling.
10 Some Small Steps You Can Take:
While therapy is a powerful tool, you don’t have to wait until you start to begin feeling a little better. Try one of these tonight or tomorrow:
Text someone – Not a “hey how are you” if that feels too hard. Try “Thinking of you, hope you’re well.” That’s enough.
Create a tiny routine – It might sound silly, but something like “every morning I open the blinds and drink my coffee with no phone” can create a sense of grounding.
Journal one kind thing – Just one. Even if it’s “I made it through today.”
Do something creative – Paint, bake, doodle, or listen to a nostalgic playlist. Creativity pulls you back into yourself.
Breathe deeply for 1 minute – It may not fix everything, but it signals your body that you’re safe.
Step Outside - Sit at a park, do work at a coffee shop or library, go for a walk. The worst thing you can do in loneliness is isolate. It will feed your negative thoughts.
Don’t Stop - Keep trying to focus on any good in your life, make it a habit to find one thing to be grateful for. If you can’t, set one small achievable action item and complete it.
Vulnerability - If you have one person in your life you can be vulnerable with, consider reaching out. Sharing with someone you can trust does wonders, and encourages others to do the same. If there isn’t anyone, try therapy. The right therapist can offer you support in a way that gives you a voice and a sense of being.
Pray - Trust that God has a plan for your life. Find a church, small group, spiritual youtube channels, readings that will offer support for your season. Consider adopting a mind, body, spirit approach to healing.
Compassion and Grace- Offer yourself compassion and grace for your feelings and experiences. When we embrace our humanity, we help reduce feelings of shame or embarrassment.